


What happens after

by Kuramiyu



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: M/M, Past, Phantom/Ghost, Regret, Set after anime ends, whale island
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-06-01 16:35:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6527716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuramiyu/pseuds/Kuramiyu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gon can't forget certain events and Killua's constant presence doesn't help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What happens after

**Author's Note:**

> Hi.
> 
> It's my first work in English, so I hope your eyes won't bleed.:)
> 
> Two sad boys are my motivation,  
> hope you enjoy. :)
> 
> PS : You can interpret it however you want.

Gon opened his amber eyes. One still could see last traces of dream in them. Something that lasted even after coming back from Morpheus' world. A memory of the past. Gon tried to look around, only to find his best friend sitting beside him. Killua was already fully clothed. When the white-haired boy turned to meet his eyes, Gon didn't notice sleepiness or tiredness in his features. Well, it was to be expected. Slowly, Gon pushed the covers aside. Even after resting for hours, he woke up even more strained and tired. His mind couldn't focus. It took everything to get up, to keep going. He ignored Killua's snickering on purpose.

"Come on, Gon, you're gonna be late! I wanna go camping tonight! Come on, hurry up!" - Gon yet had to get used to Killua's excited chattering. The boy always got new energy whenever they visited Whale Island. It wasn't a bad thing, really. Although Gon didn't respond. Despite boredom, Killua waited patiently when Gon was showering.

"Gon, breakfast is ready! Come down!" Mito's shout broke the silence and both boys flinched. Experience told them to hurry up. Mito prepared sandwiches and some pancakes. Gon could hear her humming a well-known melody. It made his heart skip a beat. Killua complained about red pepper, just as always.

"What are you doing today, Gon?" - Mito started conversation,at the same time pouring the raven-haired boy some orange juice. She enjoyed her boy's warm company. It was refreshing to have him home again.

"I don't know yet... It'll rain later, so maybe-"

"Gon! You promised we'd go camping today!" - Killua's voice cut Gon off.

"Yeah, camping sounds nice. But I still should do something after school..."- Mito was nice enough not to pinpoint the pause.

"Candy store! Candy store! Candy store!" - Killua's voice got even louder. He was becoming more and more persistent. When there wasn't a satisfying answer (no, Gon, grunting and sighing doesn't really count), Killua stood up from his place and walked over to Gon's chair. The ex-assassin quickly hugged him from behind, his wailing only rising in volume. Because cooome on, chocolate~. The second plump lips came too near his ear, Gon twitched and suddenly rose from his spot. The action made Killua fall on the floor with a loud thud. Gon stood awkwardly for a while longer before sitting down. The pale boy muttered an apology. Gon eyed him suspiciously. Yes, just as he expected. Killua was pouting. If his puffed cheeks were anything to go by. Older boy sighed deeply. He wasn't aware of a pair of eyes watching him worriedly. Mito could tell her boy's mind wasn't here; with her. It was floating around phantoms that left him more mature, colder, quieter.

"I guess that going shopping wouldn't be that bad" - Killua smiled softly, he was intrigued by Gon's soft spot for him more and more everyday. The rest of the breakfast was eaten in silence. The day was silent. Only dark clouds could make one frown in worry. Although a little danger never stopped Gon before. Killua was chattering loudly next to him, he seemed to be in a good mood which Gon was grateful for. After the last time he wasn't sure if his heart could take it (Gon! - scream- ...an apology...).

"Let's race to school, Gon! You've been so boring lately." - And Gon couldn't deny any of this. The guilt was twisting his guts as they ran. He knew he'd win, no surprise here. More like he wasn't able to lose. You can't lose to yourself. The lessons were boring, though Gon tried his best to pay attention. Well, he needed to catch up with material, but he mostly wanted something, anything to distract him from his adorable friend, who was napping. Killua's hair tickled his cheek, which was distracting, or maybe he had to find an excuse to push the boy from his laps. Tickling was actually pretty nice. No one in the classroom commented on the light snoring. Going home was another adventure. After all they had to visit the candy store. Gon told his older friends he needed to do something today and excused himself. He didn't notice when the Snow White reappeared by his side.

"You're not going with them?" - he asked curiously, and Gon WOULD kill (maybe a few months ago it would be a lie, but now...) to know what the pale boy was thinking. But blue eyes stayed guarded.

"Don't feel like it. "

"Mmmm..." Gon caught himself thinking about Stuff again. That's what he called mysteriously embarrassing thoughts about Killua that made his heart clench from emptiness. For example " walking home together, going on dates, holding hands while coming back from school"- There were more, of course. But Gon's brain shut down from too much sensations it felt when Killua grabbed his hand gently. He was comfortably numb for a while. His stomach dancing and a blush creeping up his collar bone.

"You know I'g gladly do whatever you think about" - in the same moment Gon died a little inside and almost tore up from relief (he is here - he doesn't hate me - Killua). He gave a little squeeze before letting go.

"Stop that"

"Why? Didn't you wonder about that a while ago?"

"Don't read me so easily" - Gon's voice was shushed, strained with a desire to scream at the top of his lungs. Frustration. Resignation.

"You blame me for that? Isn't that a little like blaming yourself?" - and Killua actually laughs. They stop in the middle of the road. Gon can hear people chattering somewhere in front of them, but he could care less. His mind tries to functionate again properly.

"You're not Killua." - Gon says it like it's a secret, something shared only between two people who can be trusted. The wind ruffles his hair, but white bangs stays untouched.

"I'm not. And I will never be, but... you know that." - the tone is almost pitying, but Gon knows better. "Still you talk to me, you acknowledge me, you love me" - Gon curls in shame and guilt. He wants to run, far away from the phantom of his best friend, but it's impossible. You can't escape your thoughts, your conscience. But the kid from a forest can try. And so, he rushes. To get away form the past, from mistakes he can never fix. He doesn't turn around, focused solely on one purpose. When Killua's form appeared in front of him, he stops immedietely. Because Killua will always come back, forever by his side. Like a great friend he is. Gon tried controlling his erratic breathing. Killua looked at him seriously. His gaze burdened with something Gon just couldn't point out.

"Do you know what I'm made of? The current me?" - Killua asks suddenly, just when Gon heads to the candy store. The little chasing was a routine. He couldn't escape. Not now, not ever. The question was a bit weird. Gon shook his head, dreamingly staring into space. It was very Killua-like. Even in his own imagination, he was smarter than Gon. "I'm made of good memories, like when we played ‘Greed Island’. It's like you shut down the Kite episode. It hurts, ya know? Would you still want to see me if I reminded you what you've become? Or maybe... you don't even remember. - the realisation hit him - You didn't see me back then, did you? All my sacrifices... you didn't even realise?" - a ghost sounds upset and Gon can't bring himself to care. Not now. Shut up.

"Go away" - he says it out loud. Maybe too loud, considering they're in the middle of the town.

"Mmm... okay." - and he's gone. Just like that. Like he hasn't been with Gon for the past month. The time stops and then starts running again. Nothing out of ordinary, Gon thought, why then he felt so lonely? Candies were bought, but none was even touched. Two days passed without a sight of a snarky boy.

Gon pretends to be sick and stays home on the third day. He may lose his mind. He thinks about him, he calls his name. Because please, please, you've gotta come back, I can't do it without you, just a little bit more, please.

On the fourth day he goes camping.

By the time he had started the fire, Killua was already sitting in the tent. Gon's face is completely blank for a while. But then he simply pounces onto the boy. He hugs him tightly, knocking breath out of his lungs. Gon, it hurts... It feels like a real thing, but it lacks the so familiar warmth, the fight, but Gon doesn't complain.

"You're a freak, Freeccs" - Killua comments when a hard-on presses against him. Gon chooses to silence him with a kiss. He may be insanse, but if it made Killua stay by his side a little longer he was going to take that risk. The desperate need for the one he loves, but the one he lost, it's driving him further and further into insanity. Gon knows one day he may get lost, but he's pretty sure that by that time, they will reunite.


End file.
